Sunday, 20 October 2013
Is That a Stuffed Animal?
This story is about when I got my very first pet dog! It will tell you how magical it felt when I have been begging for years to get just 1 dog. It is always an amazing journey to finally have your very first anything that you wanted for years, also like going on a ride. But, if you read this you might even want to get a dog, to enjoy this experience. Hope you enjoy my independent writing piece.
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Really nice story, Amber! May I suggest that you put your intro on top so that we read that before your AWESOME story? Bailey is a really nice and cute dog!
ReplyDeleteBailey sounds like such a cute, adorable dog! You had lots of great dialogue. I agree with Meaghan that it would be better if you put your intro on top of your story. You did a great job with your story!
Deleteloved the story. I felt really emotional to the story. I loved how you gave out the feeling. You showed not told. Plus I love the name Bailey.
ReplyDeleteI love how you picked to write about when you were getting Bailey! It was a really good story and I love how you showed your emotion instead of just leaving it all out and saying, "If I say it's Bailey it's Bailey not a rat." and you would have left out all the feelings and you would not have really known what tone he said it in or if he was happy or sad! Great job Amber! :)
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